We all wear masks of one kind or another and it helps us get through our day to day lives but some of us wear it too well, for too long and sometimes we need to just take it of and show the people around us just who we really are.
I masked and suppressed my Tourette’s ADHD and PTSD so well for so long I have even fooled myself, until now.
I always new from a young age something was wrong and in my early 20’s realised I had tourettes, I made a decision this does not fit into the life I want to lead and the person I perceive myself to be.
Living such a long time behind a mask of strength both physical and emotional you convince yourself that you are that person.
My mental health has taken many hits over the years and the mask hid it so well that even I ignored it.
Getting a diagnosis in my mid-thirties was life changing, I went from hiding everything to telling everyone.
Some people did not believe me right away and others said they had always suspected but never mentioned it out of politeness.
Although I had a lot of support it wasn’t all positive, as much as I gained understanding and acceptance from a lot of people, I also received a great deal of discrimination too.
Recently I have begun to see the real me behind the mask and I am not happy with myself.
I have neglected my mental wellbeing just to keep up an image for myself that I dropped for everyone else many years ago.
I realised that although I opened up to the world, I had lying to myself, I repeatedly told myself that I am ok, and that things don’t affect me like they do other people.
Now I have some work to do and hopefully start another chapter of my life, I do not know what direction I will go or what I will change but its enough to know this is what needs to be done for now.
We all wear masks of one kind or another and it helps us get through our day to day lives but some of us wear it too well, for too long and sometimes we need to just take it of and show the people around us just who we really are.
