Living with ADHD, Tourette Syndrome, Autism, PTSD and the other conditions that come along with them can make the most ordinary part of the day into something quite extreme, even if it is in my head.
One such moment is my Wife popping to the shop.
“I’m off to the corner shop for fags I won’t be long” Paula says as she heads out of the door.
As the door clicks shut it is closely watched by the two fretting jack Russell terriers from their perch high on the stairs.
The click of the door sets a timer away in my head and I’ve already quickly assessed the time it takes to walk to the shop buy cigarettes and return. The time allocated is 15 minutes and this accounts for a small queue and a quick gossip to a neighbour.
I busy myself in the kitchen drying some dishes while listening to music and ‘The prodigy’ is my music of choice.
15 minutes pass, I can see down to the bottom of the street and there is no sign of Paula.
The dogs are edgy as they always are when she is out, and they give a little whiny sound every few minutes.
Her lateness mixes a cocktail of imagination, logic and obsession, they take over my thoughts, the present is analysed, and the future is planned in a flash.
Ok she been killed by a car, the funeral will be at the crematorium people will be upset and ‘you’ll never walk alone will be played’, fish and chips and pie and peas will be served after in her memory she would love that.
Right I’m now a widower and have much time on my hands so I will use this time to travel with my photography visiting friends and family around the country, Aidan will be fine with school and plenty of grown up siblings to help look after him the times he doesn’t travel with me.
Aidan and I will eventually move into a bungalow so when he moves out I will already be set up there to grow older and still travel.
As I’m relishing my future the front door opens, the dogs bark and I’m brought back to the present, the dogs and I are happy to see Paula home but I’m also very disappointed that my new life has gone before it has begun, it was such a good plan too.