I’m in town and it’s not too busy so I may get some shopping done.

“Hey!” I shout, this is my most common tic and it causes a man to turn and look.

In a flash I shout “F**king d*ck!” this is his reward for looking.

“Sorry I’ve got Tourette’s “I tell him, but he doesn’t look too convinced, at least his wife is having a laugh at his expense and I look at it from her point of view, it is quite amusing.

Moving on and the encounter is quickly forgotten, I can feel energy rising in my chest, a vat of energy I can recognise as suppressed tics bubbling away and waiting to jump out.

I shout, “Camels toe!” this catches me out and then I see the person it was aimed at, I wish I could see things as fast as my Tourette’s does, how does it see things before me?

“Bus w*nkers” this one is aimed at a group waiting for the bus and I thank ‘the Inbetweeners’ for this one.

Right I’m almost up to speed with myself, I notice a large lady, ‘cankles’ is trying to jump out, but I catch this one and I swallow the tic down like a ball of energy.

“Fatty” is swallowed too with a long list of other offensive tics, I’m doing well, it’s like a game but these tics are stacking up inside, I can feel them building up into something quite big and bad for some poor unsuspecting soul, it’s usually my wife when I get home.

‘Bitch tits’, ’man bra’ and ‘joggers nipple’ is caught and yes I’ve seen what’s set it off but still manage to keep it inside.

Thank God, I’ve spotted a quiet bench, it feels good to take seat and gather my thoughts for a while.

“Ginger b*stard! rusty m*nge!” come out loud, and you can guess by the tics that a redhead is passing by.

Back on my feet with offensive words popping into my head left, right and centre, I am suppressing, deflecting and absorbing them like a warrior fighting an internal battle.

Headphones in and sunglasses on, some level of control is taken back, eye tics hidden, vocals suppressed and muffled I blend into the crowd like a ‘Social Ninja’ and carry on the fight.


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